10th Ramadan

Puasa ni the only thing that is so so sooooooooooooooo challenging adalah mengantukkkkk! Like, Ya Allaaaaahhhhhhhhh… help me while I’m driving to work and go back home. Mengantuk dia tu boleh terpejam mata like 1 second tau and while driving ni mana boleh terpejam mata pun kann. Bahaya!  Ish.

This morning, I think I drove like orang gila. I barely can open my eyes. Dah nak dekat sampai Times Square dah barula terbeliak biji mata sebab almost nak bumped into the front car. Astaghfirullah. Ish ish ish.

Alhamdulilah, Umar still puasa penuh up till now.
I still couldn’t believe that he actually made it. Yelah, tengokla dia yang sekerempeng tu. Anytime je cam boleh lapar kan. Tapi dia ok je so far. By the 3rd day dah ok dah. 2nd day puasa tu ada la menangis meraung raung sebab ada cousin dia makan yogurt in front of him. Kesian pulak. Tapi dah nak berbuka dah masa tu. Pujuk-pujuk, ajak pegi mandi, ayah dia bawak pegi kedai and he pau-ed his dad pepsi and some ice cream. Haha.

We also told him to solat. He said he got sticker from teacher at school sebab perform solat dengan baik. Well, Khadijah selalu report kat kiteorang yang Umar selalu main-main masa solat kat school. So, I think start puasa haritu he improved, Alhamdulilah. I hope lepas puasa pun he will keep continue this, insyaAllah.

Anyway, konon bulan puasa tanak makan nasi. It started off quite well, mampu bertahan for few days without nasi, but then ada sekali last week mak cooked something which I totally cannot resist. Haha. Lepas tu yesterday mak masak nasi lomak sambal udang. Ke laut dalam la diet! Hehe.

Sebelum tu dah naik penimbang, dengan harapan ada lah penurunan berat badan. Yilek! Aaaa frust nya! Rasa macam takmo diet je. Tapi stress sebab banyak baju dah ketat! >__<

But then I noticed that I manage to control keinginan membeli beli juadah bukak puasa. Heh. Usually, kalau pegi bazar mesti banyak nya di beli. Ada jelah alasannya nak beli. But then, masalah pulak la dengan laki ku ni. Dia pulak la yang rajin nak beli-beli. Banyak pulak tu. Our fridge dah penuh dengan leftovers je. Semalam je berjaya stopped him from buying at bazar. Kalau tak tu, ada je excuse dia nak membeli.

How’s your Ramadan so far?

Ramadan this year

Time passes by so fast that when we look back, there are so much had happened and Alhamdulilah, Thank You Allah… we still here today, now. And I believe for everything that happened, for us to improve ourselves to become a better person, insyaAllah.

Last year Ramadan, we still as a long distance family. Hubsie and Umar in Penang. Khadijah in KB and I myself in Shah Alam.
Can you imagine my baby girl had to be in KB for a month long with my parents? I still cannot believe it actually. Bcos she’s barely 3 yo pun masa tu and she’s totally ok (in actual, I believe she misses home very much just tak reti nak express her feelings to her Tok and Embah). Sampai sekarang rasa bersalah tu ada 🙁

At the same time, MIL in the hospital. Her post op of thyroid removal took a bit longer to recover. Everyone in KT (outside of KT came back too!) was so busy took care of Mok. We even predicted that she will celebrated raya with tube hooked around her 🙁

Look at this year… Alhamdulilah, this year dapat puasa dengan family sendiri and since I have my parents staying together, we have a big bunch of people bila berbuka & sahur. Meriahh!

Semalam berbuka di Topaz since MIL, Umi Adik & Abi Azmi was there. And it was Umar first trial puasa. Tak sangka pulak awang tu boleh puasa penuh. Towards the end je la dia bising perut dia dah lapar. Sahur harini dia siap pesan, “mama… lepas ambil Umar, jangan la puasa lama sangat. Nanti perut Umar lapar”. I hope he manage to puasa penuh again today. Ameen. Khadijah managed to puasa half day yesterday. She came back and told me “Adik puasa”, when asked if she puasa. “Tapii… tadi teacher suap adik makan. 2 kali. Adik makan lah” Hehe. Funny la you adik. Harini try puasa lagi, k dik!

Ramadan kareem, everyone! 🙂



I’m overly sensitive lately.
I’m easily get irritated by something and will snapped in a split second, which then I’ll end up regretting it. Pfft.

It is so hard to understand what is going on in my system right now. I know I am not myself.
I mean, I’m not like this before. Yes, please believe me. I may be a bit mean last time, but not this meanest. I hate myself at this point.

I can cry at any random situation. I cry on the way home listen some crappy love song. Haha. Silly! But yes. That’s the new me.
I cry in the rest room in the office just bcos I remembered I’m mad at my little girl.

Oh, God. This hormone imbalance or what ever crap in the system right now is totally making me crazy.

Could it be bcos of the contraceptive pills that I’m consuming? It does effects on my migraine, tho. Sakit gila-gila sampai consume balik the meds that I stopped long back.

Or I’m just finding excuses to blame on something else except myself?
O Allah, help me!

ai busy

Eh terbusy la pulak semenjak dua menjak ni.
Sampai cakap kat husband, “Eh, I cannot do all these alone. I tak larat. I penat.” Just bcos that day I was stuck in a bad traffic, tak makan lunch and then balik rumah tgk pinggan mangkuk penuh kat sink and kat living hall tu berselerak barang budak-budak. Rasa nak nangis.

So today while stuck in a 3 hours meeting… Time tak leh nak focus tu pegila google cleaners/hourly maid that can help us. Sekali jumpa la pulak dan paling best ada cleaner available this weekend. Greaaaaaattt! 😀

I’m going for a trial session dulu this Saturday and see how it goes. Kalau ok, kita subscribe for a month. Their service for a month is RM300, 4 hours per session and they will come 4 times. Kiranya tiap-tiap minggu la dia datang rumah.

Let’s pray this one will work for us. Amin. Else, memang kena cari keja lain yang kat Shah Alam lah. Pronto. Penat weh keja kat KL ni. Keluar tak nampak matahari, anak-anak tido lagi… balik pun tak nampak matahari. Boleh gila aku.

Anyway, I went for another interview last Monday. Not in Shah Alam apparently. I had a very tough exam and HR situ kata once dah lepas exam baru boleh go for interview. I had 2 papers to answer in 2 hours. Susahnya! Ada coding and ada soalan objectives. Tssskk! Habis exam, siap suruh pegi lunch sebab diorg nak kira berapa marks exam to qualify to the interview session. Alhamdulilah, dapat pegi interview tu… but I didn’t do well during the interview. Ah, tak kisahlah. Janji I’ve gained the experience. For now, I’m just keep it open and optimistic. Kalau dah memang rezeki, tak ke mana kan… so, let’s pray & wait.


Totally random #6

There’s nothing much to blog when you have almost the same routine every day. Was trying to fix this and that, but it doesn’t work makes things much more demotivated.

I told husband that I need some time off. A breakaway. Dekat pun jadi lahhh.  I feel like I need time off to rejuvenate. He suggested Bali, I said… looking at our hectic schedule, I don’t think we can just buy the flight ticket and go. Haha. Kena plan wei, kena plan! So, I told him dalam Msia aje lah dulu. Paling jauh Penang/Langkawi. He kinda ok with Penang. But in my mind actually nak pegi yang dekat-dekat sini je. PD ke, Janda Baik ke… Melaka ke… Penat lah nak pegi jauh-jauh (pulak!). Tengoklah nanti kita dapat pegi mana. I was looking at Avani Sepang yesterday, but it is fully booked for the date that we want to go.

Pffftttt! Mana lagi weh nak pegi?

Washing machine decided to break on us this week, so we had to bawak laundry here and there to get it clean. Alah, taklah here and there sangat cuma I will basically bring the laundry basket full of unwashed clothes into the car before I go to work so that balik ofis terus shoot to self-service laundry. Gituu. Hehe. I’m praying that the technician will send back our machine today dan jangan la charge mahal sangat on the fixes tuu 😉

I’m still looking for any weekend maid or any daily hour helper that can help us clean the house and do some ironing for us. Bukan tak nak buat semua itu, but all of it requires so much time that sometimes, tak terbuat pun. Sigh. If any of you know any contacts, please let me know ya. Thank you so soooo much! 🙂

Ok lah nak pegi breakfast ni.

Have a great Friday everyone!



Conversation with Khadijah


We were about to go to sleep. And that night we were sleeping at Topaz & as usual Alia will always with us when husband is not around.

Me: Ok, adik. Let’s recite du’a and sleep.
Adik: Bismikallah huma ahya waamut
Alia: Good night, adik!
*slient there*. Tapi semek tu belum tido pun. Sibuk nak selimut-selimutkan diri

Alia: Adik, dengar tak Kak Lia cakap apa?
Adik: dengar…
Alia: Kenapa adik tak cakap balik?
Adik: balikkk
Alia & Me: ……………………………………………. *krik krik krik*


Last night, I was folding the clothes in our room and Khadijah was playing in the toys room alone. She was talking non stop to her doll, when suddenly it all went so quiet that I sense something is not right. So, I tried to make her talk from my room;

Me: Adikkk, adik buat apa tu?
Adik: kat bilik la. Main dengan doll ni
Me: Kenapa senyap je ni? Adik tak cakap ke dengan doll tu?
Adik: Adik dah penat. Adik diamlah
Me: ohh ok.


Every night, I will apply EO to the kids. I’m introducing new EO, Valor to Umar last 2 weeks ago.

Umar: Mama, nak bau.. nak bau
I let Umar cium bau Valor. Hidung dia tersumbat so, I doubt that he can smell it.

Umar: mmmm… takde bau ape-ape pun
Adik: nak bau jugak, mama! Nak bau!
So, I let her smell too.

Adik: haaaa… ada bau apa-apa. Ada. Ada


Yesterday after perform Dhuha prayer, I received a call from Afif. He sound so serious that I was so scared if anything had happen. Rupanya Kak Ilah called him asked him if he is available to send her to the hospital. Kak Ilah collapsed kat office semalam. I immediately called Kak Ilah and asked if she wanted to go to the hospital right now. She said, she will call me again later sebab referral letter tak ready lagi.

Around 11.30 like that, Kak Ilah called saying that the referral letter dah ada and boleh pegi hospital. She was on the wheel chair and looked very pale the moment I arrived at her office. The moment when I saw Kak Ilah on the wheel chair, I remember my very own experience being on the wheel chair. 7 years ago. I don’t know if Chandra still reading this blog. If he does, I’m sure he will still remember too & making fun of it! 😛 Here for full story

Since PCMC just at the end of the road, ke ER sana la kami tuju. It was my very first time driving thru the ER. I grabbed the wheel chair since there’s nobody at the entrance. Right after I had that barulah ada nurses came to help.

They wheeled Kak Ilah into one of the room and started to ask her few questions while I settled her particulars at the registration counter. She then was admitted to the observation room. Kak Ilah asked me to call Abg Tatmi. Again, cerita 7 tahun lepas… how my colleagues struggled to get my husband’s phone number bcos I put his nick name in the phone book. Haha. And it was during lunch time too. Memanglah mengimbau kenangan betul.

So, I talked to Abg Tatmi and promised him to keep him updated if there’s anything. He’s in Kerteh, by the way.

Doctor came not long after that. I had to wait outside as they wanted to examine Kak Ilah. As the clock strike 12 ish, my tummy started growling and my hands are all shaky. Kes breakfast makan biskut je. Hehee. Afraid that I might be the next one collapsed, I rushed to the nearest mini mart to get something lite.

After finish up my chocolate, I managed to grab the doctor that examine Kak Ilah. She gave a signal “wait a minute” to me. So, I waited again while the rest of the family was so anxious and curious to get the updates from me. And I was so lucky on that day, sebab beriya bawak powerbank tapi tak bawak cable to keep my phone alive! Hahahahaa! So, by the time I got a chance to talk to the doctor my phone is nearly dead! New phone, pleaseeee! 😛

Doc said nothing serious. She said it may due to her vertigo attack and Kak Ilah ready to be discharged. She explain some meds that Kak Ilah need to take and then I immediately called Najib to come and pick up Kak Ilah. After changing few text messages with Najib, my phone totally dead. Pffftt! Nasib baik la dah settle segala baru mati.

Settle the bills and took the MC, we went to the pharmacy to get the meds. Sambil tunggu nombor kena panggil, Kak Ilah ajak makan. Lapar agaknya. We had chicken lasagna from the nearby kiosk. No long after that Najib pun sampai & Kak Ilah balik rehat kat rumah. I went back to the office with her car and had the hard time of finding a spot. Mujur jumpa satu lepas round banyak kali kat Soho tu.

So, at night before I went to sleep with the half opened eye… I asked husband, “Do you remember 7 years ago, that lunch hour call?”
He said, “hehehh… How can I ever forget that call. I knew you going to bring up the story”


Speedy recovery, Kak Ilah!


Many has been asking me these questions;

“Bila Khadijah nak jadi kakak?”
“Are you pregnant? Nampak sangat letih je ni..” -____-
“Bila nak tambah ahli keluarga ni?”

And I can’t lie when I secretly flipping through old pictures of Umar & Khadijah when they were newborns… and I admit rindunya bau baby!

Siap mimpi pregnant juger. Haha.

But tell you the truth, I don’t know if I can handle another one at the mo. Having 3 people to look after right now pun mak letttiiihhh.
3, yes 3! My husband is also a baby/toddler/kids! Hahahaaa.

With so many things happen at work, dengan commute KL-SA nya lagi… and with this Zika virus thingy now. I know this is just a lame excuse! Heh 😉
I don’t think this is the right time to have another one. Ok, usually ones end up saying something like this will get pregnant after. Haha. But seriously, I don’t think I’m ready to have a baby right now.

Ni tengah slow-slow finding another job.

Nak cari yang dekat dengan rumah.
Yang ada flexi-hours, yang boleh work from home without any prejudice, yang understand the dilemma & condition of working moms.

Nantilah ye, #3 ni. Boleh?


Happy thoughts

Reading Hampshire Mummy’s entry make me wanna post this one.

After having a bad traffic & dealing with tough developer today, I need a positive vibe to keep me sane…

So, here you go 3 things that make me happy (in a random order);

#1: That happy smile from Khadijah & Umar when they wake up every morning… want to hug, kiss & salam me before I go to work 🙂

#2: The smell of fresh brewing coffee. Definitely, kicking start my day beautifully if I get to smell this.

#3:  Wearing new clothes! Hahahahahh. Don’t know about you guys, but seriously, I’m happy when I get to wear baju baru to work. It gives me some motivations to work hard. Hehe.


How about you?

Too much yet too little time

#1: Still about the office. Yes, banyak banyaaaaakkkk cerita. But life goes on. Sometimes, some people come into your life just to teach you to let go.
Let go and move on. InsyaAllah, ada rezeki yang lebih baik untuk masing-masing.
I’m still praying that I’m out from this drama…

#2: On the loop 2,3 hari ini adalah lagu Setia. Iyaaa… that song by Elizabeth Tan & Faizal Tahir. Sedap pulak dok humming. And lagu The Scientist by Glee. Dont ask why.

#3: Khadijah demam setelah lama tak demam selsema. Start panas on Monday night. Tuesday she still went to school as usual. Balik tu muntah dan demam. Hopefully nothing serious. Yesterday husband dah stay at home to be with her. Today my turn pulak.

#4: Kak Tuty dah pos Valor and I just can’t wait to use it! Will blog about Umar & husband’s progress. Haiiii tak sabarrr!

#5: Banyak juga benda dalam pikiran…
Ahh.. they are forever. No matter how bad it is, how ugly you are… Family is the one that we always run to…

Oklah nak cakap banyak lagi actually… tapi kerja menimbun.


Sleeping problem

I cannot sleep lately.
Last Saturday went to sleep around 11ish, terlelap kejap je… Lepas tu terjaga around 1am, almost 5am baru boleh lelap kejap. Dah almost a week kot susah tido ni.

I had similar issue last year. Sampai almost nak amik sleeping pills sebab memang tak cukup rehat and I need my beauty sleep. But I didn’t. Sebab tanya one of my friend (she’s a pharmacist), she said jangan amik sleeping pills, she asked me to try ubat batuk yang drowsy tu. Which I did. Penat weh. Kat office tak boleh nak focus pun sebab mengantuk. That time I think I was so worried about being long distance with the family.

Sekarang ni tak pasti sebab menda yang tak boleh nak tidur ni. Sunday night tu tido pukul 12 lebih, pastu bangun at 5.15am to go to work. Dokleh gini wehhh. Boleh jadi gilaaa. Haha. I need my sleeeeppp! I’m dead tired.

Read somewhere katanya tak cukup tido boleh jadi gemokk. Lemak-lemak memang dah sedia banyak dah. Tak payah nak gemuk lagi dah. Tengah semangat nak exercise and lose weight ni. Don’t kill my motivation. Heh.

Should I take that cough meds again? Dah macam “ketagihan” pulak. Tak boleh tido je makan ubat batuk. Ish. Tak sesuai.

Wanted to try the essential oil tu. Ramai kata Lavender suitable to combat insomnia, not that I’m being diagnosed as insomnia… but, lavender is good for relaxing and getting a better sleeps.  Baru je order Valor dengan Kak Tuty. Nantilah kita order Lavender pulak. Ordered Valor for Umar and husband… Actual is untuk Umar saje bcos of his sleep apnea. Lately can see he started to have difficulty in his sleep again. I was so concern and worried. Googling around and I found Valor. And as husband tu sebab snore. Hehe. Really hope that Valor will help them in getting a better sleep, insyaAllah.

Actually, I’ve been applying essential oil to the kids since last year. I bought Thieves last year sebab tak tahan dengar husband cerita pasal anak-anak sakit. Dah la mak ni jauh di mata… Tak dapat tolong jaga anak, kita tolong cara lain. Hehe. Memang nampak la perubahan. Dari selalu selsema, batuk-batuk… now dah jarang.

Ok, I really need to get some sleep now. Oh, sebab mc harini… kita rehat la sikit.


Just face it

I’m going to brag about work today. Not in a so good mood at work. But inilah tempat mencari rezeki, like it or not I have to face it, kan?

I just got to know yang my colleague pun dulu x-Intelliers. Haa apa lagi sembang habis la pasal tempat kerja lama. Memang rindu sangat.

It is sooooooooooooooo different when you are in an organization yang ada properly documented and people adhere by the processes. Tak kirala process apa pun deployment process ke, on raising your extra requirement ka… anything. Macam kat sini, everything is in their brain. Not much being documented and followed. Pening tak? Pening ok. Masa mula-mula masuk memang blur gila. I dont know what to do, I dont know where to start.

I wonder how they all ni survive? Bila dah almost a year here, ahh… barulah faham. Follow with the flow ajelah ye. Bila user request anything extra or any requirement missing, regardless which stage you are right now… just say, yes. Bcos user being treated like a God here. Haha. I’m exaggerating here. Tapi begitulah caranya.

Previous employment, we can challenge our user… There’s nothing wrong at all. People won’t question you if you said something like, “Ok. We’ll take this offline and we’ll think about it before we started to implement it” to the user. Kalau sini cakap macam tu mau kena berbakul-bakul dengan PM. Heh.

Another thing yang I find it so difficult to accept is, takde dedicated place for you to do your work. I think our department je kot macam ni. Sebab department ni paling banyak contractors, so they don’t bother about allocating enough seat for their employee contractors. For me, workstation is very important bcos that is the place where you going to spend most of your time. I had ergo issue last week. My right hand was very uncomfortable.

Bila ingat-ingat balik, dulu penah jadi camni, and we call the ergo officer datang accessed my workstation. Semua kena adjustlah. That person even suggest to use mouse dengan tangan kiri kejap. Tapi susahnya. Hehe. Kat office sini takdela pulak kan nak ber”ergo” assessment bagai. Some of them don’t even know what is ergonomic. Ppfftttt.

So, I decided to change my place. I had to find a place so that I can seat and setup my machine properly. Walau takde docking station or laptop stand or even a foot rest, at least I can have a proper place now. Yang sebelum ni punya tempat… nak cerita pun segan. Let’s just say macam squatting kat tempat orang. Gitttuuu. Hehe. I hope no one else will claim this table anytime soon. Eventho sejuk macam peti sejuk, I suka duduk kat sini dah takde tempat lain dah nak di tuju. Hehe.

Oklah enough of the ramblings. Hari ni hari Jumaat kan… Esok dah weekend. Wheeee!